Friday, April 18
As a child you don't pay attention to the dysfunctional patterns in your family, relatives who gossip and hold grudges or why no one ever invites you over. A child needs to grow up feeling good about themselves and the family relationships. Later on in life, you grow up and become more aware of those things. The most devastating moment is when you realize that family members and relatives don't understand your way of thinking.
You try to be as honest, respectful and kind as possible, but somehow the other person misunderstands you and it all becomes a giant mess. You feel left out of the crowd and the conversations. No one includes you. The funny part is that those same people suddenly forget about their own past, when you or someone in your family helped them and open up their arms and homes. Those family members and relatives judges your decisions in life and talk bad about you. You start to make changes in yourself by making a list of your behavior and what you can to do change the situation. But then you realize that you don't have the power to make others change. And although you've found the reason in you that caused the awkwardness between the family relatives and you, you know that they will never be able to do the same.
Those people will most likely continue to avoid you because to them there is nothing special going on. They don't even know you, who you are, what you stand for. A miscommunication problem that can lead to a big gap between you and that relative. You want to ask them why you're all strangers who share the same last name.
"Unfortunately, some family members are so psychotic that no matter how hard you try to forge a healthy relationship, nothing will help. Now that you're an adult, take refuge in the fact that some things are beyond your control. You owe it to yourself to steer clear of people who are harmful to your health."
This way of thinking may be really bad for me, but hey it's worked so far, at least that's what I thought. But the last couple of years without expressing myself has made me into a ticking bomb. When I watch a sad movie I cry more, when I get a chocolate gift box I literally jump of excitement. Not good. It was either that, to continue like a crazy person who is overly sensitive when it comes to showing emotions, or to write again. I've chosen the last one.