Monday, October 16, 2017

Healing the soul

Sometimes you just need to go out. Explore. Explore yourself and your surroundings. Exploring has helped us heal. Healing the soul is not an easy job. It demands self control, knowledge and a positive attitude. You have to go to your dark place deep inside of you, find the you who is lost. After you have find you there, you need to bring that person to go meet yourself in your most happy time.

Once the two you's have met, the you know need to introduce them to each other. And yes, it might be difficult or awkward, but the point of this is to make the two you's from two very different stages in life meet and hug.

I've learned that it helps me to this in my mind when I'm trying to heal my soul. And it has helped. This and many other small exercises. One thing I'm sure of is that healing has many stages and it takes a long time. You might never heal fully, but as long as you have control of the grief, you'll be OK.

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Oh 2017

The last day. Oh 2016, I had so many plans for you. So many dreams. Positive thoughts. Oh 2016. A year ago today, our entrance to the new year was so exciting and happy. It was me and him, and our little one. The three of us. At home. Welcoming you 2016. Innocent and pure. Our hearts so full of joy.

We did a countdown with fireworks in the background. Standing outside in our balcony, looking up in the sky, the clock hit 00.00 mark and our phones gave us a new year. We toasted our alcohol free champagne, kissed and screamed as we videotaped it all. This was us entering the year that broke us to pieces. Us against the year that took our innocence. The year that gave us an everlasting heartache.


Oh 2016, you gave us a lot, but that one you took away was all that we ever wanted. I can only wish that the new year of 2017 brings us peace. Peace in our souls and in our world. Oh 2017, be a good year OK?

Thursday, November 17, 2016

My 27th Birthday

Birthday depression or pre-birthday depression is a real thing. Tomorrow is my 27th birthday. A few days ago I felt this sad feeling inside me. I started to question my choices in life, what I really wanted to do, who I was becoming, if this was were I wanted to be, the people who is closest to me and my work. The questions piled up and I had absolutely no answer. Today, the day before tomorrow, I decided to look it up on the internet. I typed "birthday tomorrow, feeling sad" and came across another blog who took up the subject of feeling depressed around your birthday.

As a reminder to myself, I wanted to share some of it on my blog and write about the things I feel today. Because it is true, I do feel sad today. I feel this burning hurt in my chest. I feel like I haven't been me and that I'm forgetting me. My life is good. I am a healthy human being as far as I know, and my parents and siblings are alive and with me.

Note: This post was written 25th of April 2014, but never published. 

Saturday, December 20, 2014


You went to bed. Time to sleep. Time to make today yesterday and tomorrow today. You laid down on your back, your head hit the pillow and pulled the comforter over your body. Your body was warm. Then all the sudden, for a tiny second, your mind took you to a dark place. It kept digging deeper into your soul and eventually found the way to your heart. The heart is pure, the heart is forgiving and good. Your heart is positive and full of pink clouds and rainbows. That one tiny second, the mind poisoned your heart with darkness.

Your eyes starred at the sealing while everything bad in your current life reached and covered your heart. The heart was aching now. It was not used to all this. It had been a while since this happened, and it was supposed to protect the beautiful and pureness. But the mind was too strong. All things sad, disappointing, hurting and dark was inside you again. You thought of all the people who had harmed you, the people who had hurt you and made you angry at life. You began to think "you" and the egoism showed it's face. It came all at once and it became to much for the heart to handle. The heart shut down. Your eyes filled up. You could feel the cold. When there was no more room in your eyes for more, you blinked.

A teardrop began to roll slowly from your right eye and down your chin. As it rolled it left a cold trace. It stopped when it came to the cliff of your cheekbones. Then you blinked again and the trace of the teardrop found it's way down to your ear. Although you were burning inside of sadness, your body felt the cold "wind" that hit your right side because of the trace of the teardrop. One little teardrop.

Monday, December 15, 2014


It's been a while since I did this. Write. I've had so much going on in my life. I forgot to write. One of them "Oh-no-I-am-not-a-15-year-old-dreamer-this-is-my-life-and-I-have-to-wake-up-stop-pretending-this-is-just-temporary" kind of nights happened tonight. He went to bed early. He was tired. He passed out in the couch. I tucked him into bed, and sat down to watch some old CSI episodes on the TV. I used to watch that TV show when I was living at my old home, my parents home, with my mom. It brought back the same feeling that I had back then. Felt like a child again. Four hours later. I decided to go to bed too.

The wind made noise and I could hear it banging branches into walls, and our balcony furniture being blown away. That whistle sound that the wind makes when blowing through small spaces, well I could hear that too. I woke up again and now I'm here. As I was lying in bed, it hit me. Hit me real good. The "Oh-no-I-am-not-a-15-year-old-dreamer-this-is-my-life-and-I-have-to-wake-up-stop-pretending-this-is-just-temporary" feeling hit me. I am an adult. I live with my husband. We have our own home. This is my life right now. He is the one. We work, so that we can accomplish some goals in life. We are together. Me and him.

We bought some noel decorations this year. We have a tree with lights in our living room. The tree is so pretty, in front of my eyes as I write this. The laundry that I did earlier today is hung up and drying. No dirty dishes (thank God), clean floor, clean home, warm and smells nice. We have a cozy and beautiful home. Me and him. Everything is OK and how it's supposed to be. This is how a grown up life is. I'm a wife. I have responsibilities. I cannot just sit and watch TV shows. This is no joke. I have someone in my life, whom I've made big promises too and whom I've exchanged wow's with. We are counting on each other. This is not just temporary. We are not pretending.

I need to stop those few thoughts in my head that makes me think and act childish. Or maybe I don't? Got no clue anymore. All I know is that sometimes I get nights like this, where something is telling me that I need to stop dreaming and thinking this is a romantic movie. It's not. This is my life. This is what's real right now. Sometimes I feel weak and alone, and lately it's been many times. Why?

Well this made no sense at all.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Taking Stock

Making: photography stuff such as albums, disks and stationary for my new business.
Cooking: from the bottom with hubs. And of course I'm just the helper.
Drinking: loads of coffee at work and homemade lemonade in the sun.
Wanting: to travel to an unknown destination with a beach, sun and palm trees.
Looking: at my fingers as I type these words. I can actually write without looking as well.
Playing: a new game on my phone called Hay Day, I'm obsessed he says.
Wasting: time while playing games and going through my old archives here at the blog.
Wishing: to go away for a vacation this summer.
Enjoying: editing and finalizing photography projects for my new clients.
Waiting: for the bus every morning before work, I get sick of it sometimes.
Liking: the sunny weather in Oslo in April, almost like summer, it's unbeliveable.
Loving: the new flowers we have in our balcony, i'll share, they are the i in spring.
Hoping: hubs finds a job soon. He has been so ready for this, but nothing.
Needing: a vacation.
Wearing: your basic blue jeans and light springy blouses.
Following: everything I've been dreaming about with this photography business of mine.
Noticing: that I've been getting a little chubby around my waist lately.
Thinking: about getting more physically active then I am.
Feeling: ready to live.

Original post found here.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

26 On The 26th

Happy Birthday to me!
Turning 26 years old on the 26th of April makes this coming year my golden year. Happy golden birthday to me.

He made me this delicious birthday cake. I love him. 
They surprised me with their company and the bright colored roses. I love them. 

All in all, it was a good day and I was reminded to appreciate life one more time. I try to do that as much as possible, but sometimes I forget, with the daily life rush. I appreciate my family, friends and those I interact with in life. Sometimes just a little birthday greet on the social media is enough for me to send good thoughts your way. I bought a lottery coupon today and played, but not sure if I won yet. Maybe luck will be with me this year and my wishes will come true. Maybe it wont. I'm fine either way. 


Friday, April 18, 2014

Try To Forge A Healthy Relationship

As a child you don't pay attention to the dysfunctional patterns in your family, relatives who gossip and hold grudges or why no one ever invites you over. A child needs to grow up feeling good about themselves and the family relationships. Later on in life, you grow up and become more aware of those things. The most devastating moment is when you realize that family members and relatives don't understand your way of thinking.

You try to be as honest, respectful and kind as possible, but somehow the other person misunderstands you and it all becomes a giant mess. You feel left out of the crowd and the conversations. No one includes you. The funny part is that those same people suddenly forget about their own past, when you or someone in your family helped them and open up their arms and homes. Those family members and relatives judges your decisions in life and talk bad about you. You start to make changes in yourself by making a list of your behavior and what you can to do change the situation. But then you realize that you don't have the power to make others change. And although you've found the reason in you that caused the awkwardness between the family relatives and you, you know that they will never be able to do the same.

Those people will most likely continue to avoid you because to them there is nothing special going on. They don't even know you, who you are, what you stand for. A miscommunication problem that can lead to a big gap between you and that relative. You want to ask them why you're all strangers who share the same last name.

"Unfortunately, some family members are so psychotic that no matter how hard you try to forge a healthy relationship, nothing will help. Now that you're an adult, take refuge in the fact that some things are beyond your control. You owe it to yourself to steer clear of people who are harmful to your health." 

Start Writing Again

It's been a long time since the last time I wrote anything. Writing has a different effect on me. I like writing. And I've heard writing is a good thing sometimes. Especially when you are about to explode inside of the many things happening in life. I don't talk much about feelings and thoughts to anyone, even the ones standing closest to me. The main reason is that I don't want to bother them with my issues. People have enough stuff going on themselves, so why give them another hunch of my stuff as well right?

This way of thinking may be really bad for me, but hey it's worked so far, at least that's what I thought. But the last couple of years without expressing myself has made me into a ticking bomb. When I watch a sad movie I cry more, when I get a chocolate gift box I literally jump of excitement. Not good. It was either that, to continue like a crazy person who is overly sensitive when it comes to showing emotions, or to write again. I've chosen the last one.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Black and White Photos

It is true what they say about black and white photos. It makes the photo more magical. 
And yes, I cut my hair and my braces are still on, don't I look sexy?