Thursday, January 01, 2009

Dear Love

Today was the first day this year without you. I have already missed you a lot. I know you can't be with me at the moment, but never forget that I will always wait for you. I am counting the days until you'll come back, and today it's 440 days left. Twenty days have passed since you left me, your family and friends. Time goes by so fast.

Sometimes it feels like you'll send me a text message on my phone at night like you used to do, just to wish me good night. In the evenings I go online on my computer just to see if you're there so that we can talk about our day. I want to share everything I do throughout the day with you, but I can't. You're not here. I can't reach you were you are and that hurts. It really hurts. The sound of your deep voice is still in my mind, I try hard not to forget anything about you while you're gone. The sound recordings that you did on my computer one night when you were bored are still there. When I am on the edge of forgetting you I listen to them. It makes me happy, I smile. That night, when you recorded them I thought you were being silly, but know I thank you. It's not just the recordings that keeps the memory of you in my mind, it is also the videos we did together. Remember how long time we used to get the perfect video. Me on the guitar, you singing. We laugh, make jokes, do silly faces and make fun of each other in front of the camera. I have saved every clip from those days. At the end we got so tired that we decided to quit. But the moments are forever in my mind. Pictures of the two of us is also one of the elements that keep your image in my mind. I promise you that I'll never let myself forget about you, ever.

I hope you're okay. The last thing I want is for you to be sad. I like you when you smile and laugh. Being happy suits you. It's like a dress you've tried in a store, that just fitted perfectly. Happiness is like that with you. Perfect fit. This year will bring emotions you never knew you had. Because you'll have a lot of free time to think, and you'll spend the nights alone. In moments like that it's important for you to not forget about yourself. People loose many things, they also loose themselves. I don't want that to happen to you. You have to keep your mind safe from every negative energy and make sure nothing gets to you. Be strong. Be strong for you and for me, and everyone else that loves and cares about you here.
At times you'll feel alone and forgotten. Sometimes you'll be sad for not being with us. You'll think of your mothers pretty smile, your fathers funny comments to everything you do. You'll miss arguing with your younger sister. When you think of them you might even cry. Your eyes will be filled with tears, but you'll try to hold them back, because you never cry. If it so happens that a teardrop fall down your cheek, you'll make sure that non of the guys near you see it. You will start to feel a lump in your throat, it will hurt every time you swallow. In the end you wont be able to hold back the sadness thats corrupting your body and soul, so you'll start to cry. I think you'll cry a lot. Because I know you so well, once you let go, you let go for real. When you find yourself in that moment please make it through well. It is okay to cry. Crying helps you figure out some stuff. Emotions are valued by how you deal with them. If you cry that means it's real. When the crying ends just make sure to remember us. Remember all the fun things we did together. Remember the time we went camping this summer, when we froze our behinds off at night because we had forgotten to tell your mom to pack warm blankets. Laugh when you think of how I used to make a fool out of myself just to show you how much I've learned. Smile when you think of all the nice people who thinks your amazing and talented. Smile because you feel good. Just smile because I love you, thats what I do when I think of you.

For each breath I take you come to my mind, for each time my heart beats it says your name. You are in me. Feel good, because when you do I do too. Please don't loose hope and faith. Before you went on that bus I whispered in your ear, as I hugged you for the last time, that everything was going to be okay. I always keep my word, I promised you that. May peace and joy be with you tonight and every other night through this journey. When you get back, I'll be waiting for you.

I love you my love, forever always yours..

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