Sunday, January 03, 2010

Sorry Mom

I am sorry mom. The last couple of years, or since I've started at the university, I changed. You found my changing a bit difficult to handle, and I'm sorry you did. You need to know that I'll always change, although I'm your little girl, I also need to be a woman one day. I am so sorry that you find this hard to understand. I am sorry for the pain my changing has caused you. I never wanted it to be like this. Honestly, I could not control it. Time passed, I grew, I met new people, I loved, I experienced, I hurt, I fell and I stood back up again. This is how life is mom, and I am sorry you won't let me live it. I am sorry for all the troubles, all the worries and all my mistakes that I brought you. This is not what I wanted you to have as a burden on your shoulders.
I live in your home, I keep you up all night long, you can't sleep nor eat because of me. Because you don't want to let go, you don't want to let me explore nor live. I am sorry mom. Being in a relationship has made you sad. You want me to be hard as a rock, never love, never feel, never meet someone that I can fall in love with. Mom, I did. I met someone. I am sorry you don't understand how in love I am, and how much good love is doing me. I am sorry you get sad and disturbed because of my relationship.

Maybe in the future, when I am all grown up, when I have graduated, found myself a good job and bought myself a house and a car. Maybe then you'll be proud of me. Maybe I am only a child right now. Maybe you think I am only a child right now, and try to make decisions for me. I am sorry mom but you can't. You can't decide how my life is going to be. Only I can do that. Only I choose what I want to do with my life, in my life. Only I choose whom I'm supposed to love and be loved by. So again, I am sorry mom for everything bad I have ever done to you.

I love you mom.


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