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Monday, December 15, 2014

"Oh-no-I-am-not-a-15-year-old-dreamer-this-is-my-life-and-I-have-to-wake-up-stop-pretending-this-is-just-temporary"

It's been a while since I did this. Write. I've had so much going on in my life. I forgot to write. One of them "Oh-no-I-am-not-a-15-year-old-dreamer-this-is-my-life-and-I-have-to-wake-up-stop-pretending-this-is-just-temporary" kind of nights happened tonight. He went to bed early. He was tired. He passed out in the couch. I tucked him into bed, and sat down to watch some old CSI episodes on the TV. I used to watch that TV show when I was living at my old home, my parents home, with my mom. It brought back the same feeling that I had back then. Felt like a child again. Four hours later. I decided to go to bed too.

The wind made noise and I could hear it banging branches into walls, and our balcony furniture being blown away. That whistle sound that the wind makes when blowing through small spaces, well I could hear that too. I woke up again and now I'm here. As I was lying in bed, it hit me. Hit me real good. The "Oh-no-I-am-not-a-15-year-old-dreamer-this-is-my-life-and-I-have-to-wake-up-stop-pretending-this-is-just-temporary" feeling hit me. I am an adult. I live with my husband. We have our own home. This is my life right now. He is the one. We work, so that we can accomplish some goals in life. We are together. Me and him.

We bought some noel decorations this year. We have a tree with lights in our living room. The tree is so pretty, in front of my eyes as I write this. The laundry that I did earlier today is hung up and drying. No dirty dishes (thank God), clean floor, clean home, warm and smells nice. We have a cozy and beautiful home. Me and him. Everything is OK and how it's supposed to be. This is how a grown up life is. I'm a wife. I have responsibilities. I cannot just sit and watch TV shows. This is no joke. I have someone in my life, whom I've made big promises too and whom I've exchanged wow's with. We are counting on each other. This is not just temporary. We are not pretending.

I need to stop those few thoughts in my head that makes me think and act childish. Or maybe I don't? Got no clue anymore. All I know is that sometimes I get nights like this, where something is telling me that I need to stop dreaming and thinking this is a romantic movie. It's not. This is my life. This is what's real right now. Sometimes I feel weak and alone, and lately it's been many times. Why?

Well this made no sense at all.

2 comments:

  1. It made perfect sense. I think we're all allowed to be childish and silly sometimes however I don't think we're allowed to be children or silly people. You're right, there's a moment or moments in life when we realise we're not children anymore, we're not teenagers. We are adults with responsibilities and we have to start respecting that because how we act doesn't just affect ourselves anymore but those around us too.

    It's a battle. A tough battle. Being in my early twenties I am feeling this pressure immensely. I feel like I'm in that in-between stage of life, transitioning from the child to the adult but sometimes it is so much easier remaining as a child.

    Oh the dilemma...

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    Replies
    1. Yes, the dilemma. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me :)

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